Smethanie

After a long day at the office, sometimes you just want to collapse into a warm, soft, comforting pink vagina. Well, now, no matter your dating status, you can! Read More

Don’t ask why my recent online shopping led me to stumble across this gem, just enjoy the find — a 55-gallon drum of lube for sale on Amazon.com. The Passion Natural Water-Based Lube, all 55 gallons of it, can be yours for a sale price of $1,495, marked down from $2,750! This bargain got me thinking about the possible uses for 55 gallons of lube. Here’s my top 5: <a href=”http://guyspeed.com/5-possible-uses-for-the-55-gallon-drum-of-lube-for-sale-on-amazon/” target=”_blank”>Read More</a>

Super Bowl Sunday – there was excitement in the air, mixed with the smell of wings and spilled beer. It didn’t matter if your team played – you’re men and you sat in packs in front of television sets across the world — grunting, yelling, cheering, fist-bumping, farting (yes, we heard that).

It’s a man’s man’s day. It’s man to the 10th power. It’s a day celebrating all that lawn-mowing, spider-killing, jar-opening, “does-this-make-me-look-fat?” answering you’ve done the other 364 days of the year. You drank, ate, scratched your balls unapologetically. And while there was Madonna thrown in to keep your lady from flipping the channel to Lifetime, the night wasn’t about her, beyond her expertise and ability to hustle in the kitchen.

What you don’t know is that Super Bowl Sunday was as much of a holiday to the ladies. While you were preoccupied by Neanderthals in helmets and tights (I mean, really, let’s just all admit they’re tights. Who are we lying to?) we had a night uninterrupted to live out our wildest fantasies. While you were watching the big game, here’s what your women were doing … Read More

With Wikipedia going black for a day in protest of the Stop Online Piracy Act, the wealth of information we’ve grown to rely on has been pulled out from beneath us. These are scary times. What’s the exact date of Talk Like a Pirate Day? What year were Double-Stuffed Oreos introduced? WHAT SONGS ARE ON XBOX KARAOKE REVOLOTION AMERICAN IDOL ENCORE?!? It’s okay. Feeling a sense of panic and anxiety is only natural. Breathe. Relax. Grab a paper bag and a Xanax if you must. We’re going to make it through this. Together. As an Internet nation. It’s natural that you’ll have some questions during these 24 hours of Wikipedia darkness. You’re not alone. Here’s a few places you can seek out your answers while we all wait with baited breath for Wikipedia’s lights to come back on … Read more

Fellas, ever call a chick the wrong name in bed? AWKWARD, right? Not to worry, I wrote 5 Foolproof Ways to Recover From Calling Her the Wrong Name During Sex. You’re welcome.

So you’ve got a girl (a real live one!) in your bed or you’ve negotiated your way into hers. Things are getting hot and heavy. Your brain has turned off and your body is working on pure animalistic impulses. And then it happens. In a moment of excitement, confusion, drunkenness, whatever it may be — you call out her name. Except it isn’t her name. Not to worry, Romeo, we’ve got five foolproof ways to recover from yelling the wrong woman’s name in bed … Read More

Flickr user Danny Choo

The 12 Days of Christmas is a holiday classic – you can’t avoid being met by its chipper repetition every holiday season. What I don’t get is why the bitch who wrote it, first off, called this lunatic gift-giver her “true love,” and secondly, why she wrote a song joyously bragging about being given the weirdest shit ever given to a girl. Your man went to Jared? Mine went to Old MacDonald. Top that! Gift-by-gift, here’s why the 12-Days-of-Christmas chick’s True Love was a jerk: …

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